I think most people who try to defend the faith online in the combox or on Facebook have encountered the insulting response, the mocking response or the highly emotional response which make wild accusations and personal attacks. It’s terribly unjust, and you might be tempted to fire back, "putting the jerk in his or place." Or you might think that with just the right response, you’ll unlock the door and bring the person over to the truth. Personally I find that neither one of these actually works. The internet is filled with a wide range of people with different temperaments, education, knowledge and biases. Some of them may not be remotely interested in seeking the truth. They might be unwilling to consider anything that runs counter to what they hold. A religious or political perspective which is different might be seen as politically or ideologically motivated.
I find that many of the abusive types will not be willing to listen to what you have to say. But remember, these people are not the only people following the conversation, and whatever you consider saying should take this into account. You may not reach your foe, but you may reach others, both those responding at the time and those who discover it much later.
I find that when a person behaves in an abusive manner, there will always be some “me too” types around who click “Like” on their comments and parrot the same kind of responses. But there may be some people out there who don’t agree with them, or may be appalled by their views or their behavior. So that’s why the first thing to remember is, you don’t try to “put the jerk in his place.” You come across looking like a jerk as well, and maybe people will be less inclined to listen to your point. It’s always important to be gracious, and not come at it with a hard, “@#$% You!” attitude. If you need to respond, the reply should show patience, witnessing the love for others that Christians are supposed to have.
The second thing I have learned is that you don’t always need to respond to everything the person opposes you says. Sometimes, the best witness is to leave your gentle words as a contrast to the abusive vitriol that follows. This leaves the reader who happens by a witness to your belief that shows no hatred while your abusive opponent is shown by his or her own words to be the one who is intolerant. Just politely say that you think the conversation is no longer productive and are leaving the discussion. But the hard point is to leave the discussion and not come back for “one last response." You may be insulted. You may be accused of running away, or accused of being intolerant. Offer it up and let your quiet Christian witness speak louder than their insults.
The third thing to remember is not to let pride get in the way. No matter how much we want to defend the faith, we need to make sure that we don’t confuse that with “not wanting to look bad on the forums.” We can pray for those who attack us, and we can pray for humility:
The Litany of Humility by Cardinal Rafael Merry del Val
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...
That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
(And yes, I too need to pray this more.)
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